Update...

It's been a long time since I've written anything in here.  I have been busy with the new job and I'm learning lots.  Everything I learn, especially dealing with cardiology, has been fascinating.  I've learned more about not only coronary artery disease but all different types of heart problems.  Congestive heart failure, peripheral artery disease and carotid artery disease (a common precursor to stroke); the effects of hypertension and diabetes on the cardiovascular system; surgeries such as angioplasty and stent placement (PCI), CABG and AVR/MVR (aortic/mitral valve replacement); devices like VADs and ICDs, and pacemakers; reading EKG rhythms, identifying arrhythmias and knowing where the leads are placed and how they work; cardiac markers such as troponin I, CK-MB and myoglobin...etc.  That's really only a fraction of what I'm learning.

I still have (and probably always will have) a special interest in heart attack patients, and it is really fascinating putting the pieces of the puzzle together as to what happened with my dad.  Since it is becoming a while ago, I can be more detached from the emotional part of the experience, and use what I am learning up here on the heart floor to understand what happened on a more technical level.  A lot of things that didn't make sense five years ago make sense now.

I feel very deeply that I am supposed to utilize my experience and apply it to what I am doing.  Instead of becoming turned off by the "gross" parts of the job, I want to know even more.  One of my coworkers said that "we drop techs like crazy," and I can kind of understand that, but I feel capable.  For the first time in a long time, I am not doubting myself.  That makes me feel good, and it makes me feel good that I can take a traumatizing experience and use it to help better the lives of patients that have a chance.  It makes me feel good that I am finding more of myself.